I dunno...I'm starting to get depressed...Today our schedule got mixed up 'cause of an assembly. Last class was 3rd period, and unfortunately, it was gym. It was 35 minutes of Hell. We did warm ups, run around for 5 minutes, played a game like Deal or No Deal with all kinds of excersises. One person chose to run around for an extra 2 minutes, some one else chose 50 sit-ups, and some one picked 30 shoulder taps. Shoulder taps are when you get into push-up position and reach for your shoulders for a quick tap. It might not seem much, but it was torture. I wanted to throw up, I was so exhausted.

One more day 'til winter break. Am I excited? Yes, but I don't feel much. I guess it's natural for a teen not to feel much anymore, especially one who matures in the winter. Weirdly I've been feeling more mature too. I'm not the happy go go me anymore, I'm not hiding, Shadow Girl is coming out more often, and I've been more serious. I still have my non-vanishing shyness, but I just can't help to think that I want to be with others in real life. Even on Youtube I get kinda scared when some one new talks to me. School is making me a bit more serious too since I'm getting decent grades. I've been wanting to show how tough I can be to people, but I don't really wanna overdo it. In other words, I don't wanna be a God modder.

I also noticed something I haven't realized in a while. Even though I say I'm independent to most people, I don't think I am. I can't spill out a secret without getting in trouble, and I need help, but I'm too scared to ask. Why? I don't really know, but sometimes I feel stupid asking questions 'cause I consider myself smart. When I do ask I feel a little uncomfortable for some reason. I guess I'm just really shy, but I like my shy self, it feels like the only part of me that will never change. When I'm stuck on a problem I only ask a friend, not the teacher. This is only my four and a half month of junior high so I don't know who to trust without feeling embarrassed. That's why I barely do anything anymore, it might be the wrong thing and it'll embarrass me.

Finally I think Youtube is the only thing that helps me. Even though I don't know if the people are telling the truth or not, I trust most of the people there. And even though I might not be able to see them in real life, I don't care if they say they're 20 and they might actually be like 15. However, I don't really know who to trust anymore. If I say something on someone's channel, someone might find it and make it seem offended. So maybe I should just delete my comment box and do via PMs. I still can't belive Troy got hacked though, it must've sucked. Still I just don't really know what to do on Youtube anymore. I got more than 100 friends, only less than 10 in real life, I got so many video ideas but I'm too lazy, what should I do? Leave and see how people react? Feh, that would be kinda funny.

Don't really know what else to say. Check my Youtube daily. [link] I guess there's some one out there to help me on this? I bet not...But, I'm a teen, I don't care about much anymore. I've changed a bit...that's all that matters...
Goodbye..
❤Kaitlyn H.❤ A.K.A. ★Shining Link★ and ▼Shadow Girl▼